Now we just wait for a winning record! 
Our 3 Gems: Telling the Stories of the Clark Family
Thursday, March 31, 2011
My husband's sanity returns!
After a long, cold winter, my husband finally awoke with a smile on his face and a spring in his step. It was a hard morning trying to find a suitable outfit - should it be white or blue, what should the writing be, a logo or hotdog? Where are kids' new outfits? I found their hats! Oh the joy Opening Day brings to the Clark Family! 
Now we just wait for a winning record!
Now we just wait for a winning record! 
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Linear thinking
We have a magazine in our bathroom for Lyla to read when she is on the potty (helps her focus, I guess). The current edition is National Geographic, I don't know what month but it has a fox on the front cover. There is also a story about Kung Fu and a big photo of the Chinese flag.
Steven happened to be in the bathroom with Lyla and me tonight (yes, it is always a fun family gathering spot) and he asked what the photo was. I replied, "the Chinese flag." He immediately looked at me and said "that is where we get babies from." Whoa.
Back story ... We've been checking out books from the library about adoption to read with the kids to get them familiar with what adoption is at a level they can understand. We currently have a book checked out where the family adopts a baby girl they name May from China. At least we know he is listening!
Steven happened to be in the bathroom with Lyla and me tonight (yes, it is always a fun family gathering spot) and he asked what the photo was. I replied, "the Chinese flag." He immediately looked at me and said "that is where we get babies from." Whoa.
Back story ... We've been checking out books from the library about adoption to read with the kids to get them familiar with what adoption is at a level they can understand. We currently have a book checked out where the family adopts a baby girl they name May from China. At least we know he is listening!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
The downfall of our neighborhood
is the house next door.
We think our neighbor (really a nice guy) has finally turned his house over to the bank. Our house will never have a chance in this market. It appears that we'll be here for at least another five years so we're doing some yard work, making a list of home improvements, and doing some purging (actually sorting for my ambitious yard sale this summer).
The story of the house next door started about five or six years ago. The neighbor did a lot of work on the interior of the house - brand new kitchen, new bathrooms, new door frames and woodwork - the whole she-bang. Then he met a woman who lived in the burbs, married her and moved out there. They tried to sell the house the first time for about $300k. It was overpriced then but he did put a lot into it. Then they rented it. Then they put it up again for about $240k. Then they rented it. Then they put it up again and the price kept dropping. It is now listed at $170k. I really feel for them. And everyone else in the neighborhood who wants to move.
Living small, here we are!
We think our neighbor (really a nice guy) has finally turned his house over to the bank. Our house will never have a chance in this market. It appears that we'll be here for at least another five years so we're doing some yard work, making a list of home improvements, and doing some purging (actually sorting for my ambitious yard sale this summer).
The story of the house next door started about five or six years ago. The neighbor did a lot of work on the interior of the house - brand new kitchen, new bathrooms, new door frames and woodwork - the whole she-bang. Then he met a woman who lived in the burbs, married her and moved out there. They tried to sell the house the first time for about $300k. It was overpriced then but he did put a lot into it. Then they rented it. Then they put it up again for about $240k. Then they rented it. Then they put it up again and the price kept dropping. It is now listed at $170k. I really feel for them. And everyone else in the neighborhood who wants to move.
Living small, here we are!
Monday, March 14, 2011
You've got to be kidding me
This morning we woke to this...
While just yesterday we had this...
When will the madness end?
While just yesterday we had this...When will the madness end?
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Running around in circles
This week the US Department of State posted an Adoption Alert for Ethiopia on their website. We knew this was coming based on information our agency and the adoption lists we subscribe to have provided. The Government of Ethiopia's Ministry of Women, Children and Youth Affairs (MOWCYA) has announced they will begin reducing the amount of adoption cases they review each day. It has been reported that they are currently processing around 50 per day and that will reduce to 5 (or 20 or 30 depending on the rumor you currently subscribe to). Accordingly, this could reduce the number of adoptions in Ethiopia by 90%. MOWCYA has announced this change based on a need to focus on quality and all the children under the authority of their programs.
In a nutshell, many cases of corruption have recently surfaced in the international adoption system in Ethiopia. Many have said that whenever people and money are involved there are going to be bad seeds. I don't disagree. It also seems that the bad is reported more loudly and dramatically than the good. But that doesn't excuse anyone from trafficking a child, no matter their intentions - greed or ignorance.
When we first started our adoption process our concerns focused on our family. What would it be like to raise an adopted child? How do we explain this to Steven and Lyla? What are we going to do to bring the Ethiopian culture into our lives? How can we develop relationships so that our black child has black role models?
After we completed our Hague training and began to get more connected with the "adoption community" through blogs and listserves our thoughts turned more outward. What does adoption mean to the birth family - do they understand its permanancy? Is adoption truly one of the answers to the orphan crisis caused by famine, HIV/AIDS and government corruption?
Then we started to learn about adoption ethics and recent cases of corruption. Adoptive families were discovering that the stories they had believed about their adopted child were untrue. Many discovered that birth mothers were still alive even when they were told (in court documents) that she had died. We also read other stories of harvesting children to meet specific demands. In mid-February an agency's license was revoked by the Ethiopian government because of misuse of their license (read corrupt practices).
February was filled with turmoil for Tommy and me. We were silent about this because it was a difficult time for us. There were many nights I fell asleep crying if we were able to sleep at all. How could we be sure everything was ethical and above board? We read a lot and talked with our social worker and agency program director. We talked, and talked, and talked.
UNICEF reports that one third of the 70 million people in Ethiopia live on less than 1 USD per day. Ethiopia has the largest HIV/AIDS infected population in the world leaving children orphaned or becoming the head of the household at a very young age. One out of every 20 children born alive dies before they reach 1 month old. And it doesn't get better, one in 10 die before their first birthday.
We know that international adoption isn't the only solution to the problems faced in this developing country. That is why we made a small step by deciding to support efforts for family preservation in the northern region of Ethiopia. For $30 a month we are helping to support between 10-15 families that our agency works with to maintain their family unit by providing child care so that parents can work, supplemental food and basic housing needs. $30 a month - we spend that going out to dinner or on a pair of shoes or a haircut. I can't fathom that a mere $30 can help to support 10 families so that they can stay together as a family unit and live a full life.
In the end, we resolved that there is truly a need in Ethiopia and we will continue with our plans to adopt an orphaned child. However, since we were notified by our agency of the changes to Ethiopian policies we are now back at the same question: What does this mean for our family?
We'll be spending more time this month talking while our home study is being completed. All of the support our family and friends have given has been so wonderful since we started and we appreciate all of your words and thoughts.
In a nutshell, many cases of corruption have recently surfaced in the international adoption system in Ethiopia. Many have said that whenever people and money are involved there are going to be bad seeds. I don't disagree. It also seems that the bad is reported more loudly and dramatically than the good. But that doesn't excuse anyone from trafficking a child, no matter their intentions - greed or ignorance.
When we first started our adoption process our concerns focused on our family. What would it be like to raise an adopted child? How do we explain this to Steven and Lyla? What are we going to do to bring the Ethiopian culture into our lives? How can we develop relationships so that our black child has black role models?
After we completed our Hague training and began to get more connected with the "adoption community" through blogs and listserves our thoughts turned more outward. What does adoption mean to the birth family - do they understand its permanancy? Is adoption truly one of the answers to the orphan crisis caused by famine, HIV/AIDS and government corruption?
Then we started to learn about adoption ethics and recent cases of corruption. Adoptive families were discovering that the stories they had believed about their adopted child were untrue. Many discovered that birth mothers were still alive even when they were told (in court documents) that she had died. We also read other stories of harvesting children to meet specific demands. In mid-February an agency's license was revoked by the Ethiopian government because of misuse of their license (read corrupt practices).
February was filled with turmoil for Tommy and me. We were silent about this because it was a difficult time for us. There were many nights I fell asleep crying if we were able to sleep at all. How could we be sure everything was ethical and above board? We read a lot and talked with our social worker and agency program director. We talked, and talked, and talked.
UNICEF reports that one third of the 70 million people in Ethiopia live on less than 1 USD per day. Ethiopia has the largest HIV/AIDS infected population in the world leaving children orphaned or becoming the head of the household at a very young age. One out of every 20 children born alive dies before they reach 1 month old. And it doesn't get better, one in 10 die before their first birthday.
We know that international adoption isn't the only solution to the problems faced in this developing country. That is why we made a small step by deciding to support efforts for family preservation in the northern region of Ethiopia. For $30 a month we are helping to support between 10-15 families that our agency works with to maintain their family unit by providing child care so that parents can work, supplemental food and basic housing needs. $30 a month - we spend that going out to dinner or on a pair of shoes or a haircut. I can't fathom that a mere $30 can help to support 10 families so that they can stay together as a family unit and live a full life.
In the end, we resolved that there is truly a need in Ethiopia and we will continue with our plans to adopt an orphaned child. However, since we were notified by our agency of the changes to Ethiopian policies we are now back at the same question: What does this mean for our family?
We'll be spending more time this month talking while our home study is being completed. All of the support our family and friends have given has been so wonderful since we started and we appreciate all of your words and thoughts.
Department of State Notice
Adoption Alert
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE
Bureau of Consular Affairs
Office of Children’s Issues
Government of Ethiopia Plans Major Slow-Down in Adoption Processing
March 9, 2011
Citing the need to work on quality and focus on more important strategic issues, the Government of Ethiopia’s Ministry of Women, Children, and Youth Affairs (MOWCYA) has indicated it will reduce to a maximum of five the number of adoption cases it processes per day, effective March 10, 2011. Under Ethiopian adoption procedures, MOWCYA approves every match between prospective adoptive parents and an Ethiopian child before that case can be forwarded for a court hearing. The U.S. Embassy is working with Ethiopian government officials and adoption agencies to learn more about this change in procedures. We will continue to share information as it becomes available.
Given MOWCYA's current caseload, the U.S. Embassy anticipates that this change could result in an overall decline in case processing of some 90 percent. If this change is implemented as proposed, we expect, that parents who have begun the process of adopting from Ethiopia but have not yet been matched with a child could experience significant delays. It is not clear if this change in procedures would have any significant impact on cases in which MOWCYA has already approved matches.
Prospective adoptive parents should remain in close contact with their adoption service provider to obtain updates on individual cases.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
February 15, 2011
Revocation of License: Better Futures Adoption Services
The U.S. Embassy was informed by Better Future Adoption Services’ (BFAS) Addis Ababa office on February 4, 2011, that the Charities and Societies Agency revoked its license to operate in Ethiopia on December 9, 2010, because of alleged misuse of its license. BFAS further stated to the U.S. Embassy that it has initiated a legal appeal of the decision with the Government of Ethiopia. The Government of Ethiopia has not provided information for families in process with BFAS on how this revocation will affect their cases.
The U.S. Embassy strongly recommends that prospective adoptive parents who have entered into an agreement with Better Future Adoption Services, or who are planning to adopt through Better Future Adoption Services, seek the advice of a legal professional.
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE
Bureau of Consular Affairs
Office of Children’s Issues
Government of Ethiopia Plans Major Slow-Down in Adoption Processing
March 9, 2011
Citing the need to work on quality and focus on more important strategic issues, the Government of Ethiopia’s Ministry of Women, Children, and Youth Affairs (MOWCYA) has indicated it will reduce to a maximum of five the number of adoption cases it processes per day, effective March 10, 2011. Under Ethiopian adoption procedures, MOWCYA approves every match between prospective adoptive parents and an Ethiopian child before that case can be forwarded for a court hearing. The U.S. Embassy is working with Ethiopian government officials and adoption agencies to learn more about this change in procedures. We will continue to share information as it becomes available.
Given MOWCYA's current caseload, the U.S. Embassy anticipates that this change could result in an overall decline in case processing of some 90 percent. If this change is implemented as proposed, we expect, that parents who have begun the process of adopting from Ethiopia but have not yet been matched with a child could experience significant delays. It is not clear if this change in procedures would have any significant impact on cases in which MOWCYA has already approved matches.
Prospective adoptive parents should remain in close contact with their adoption service provider to obtain updates on individual cases.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
February 15, 2011
Revocation of License: Better Futures Adoption Services
The U.S. Embassy was informed by Better Future Adoption Services’ (BFAS) Addis Ababa office on February 4, 2011, that the Charities and Societies Agency revoked its license to operate in Ethiopia on December 9, 2010, because of alleged misuse of its license. BFAS further stated to the U.S. Embassy that it has initiated a legal appeal of the decision with the Government of Ethiopia. The Government of Ethiopia has not provided information for families in process with BFAS on how this revocation will affect their cases.
The U.S. Embassy strongly recommends that prospective adoptive parents who have entered into an agreement with Better Future Adoption Services, or who are planning to adopt through Better Future Adoption Services, seek the advice of a legal professional.
Ethica: An independent voice for ethical adoptions
Ethiopia: Become Part of the Solution
March 9, 2011
On March 4, 2011, the Ministry of Womens Affairs in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, reported that they would be sharply reducing the number of adoption cases they would review, from 50 cases a day at present to no more than 5 per day from March 10, 2011. MoWA indicated that they were taking these steps in response to an adoption program that is riddled with fraud and coercion.
Ethica respects the Ethiopian government’s commitment to orphaned and vulnerable children and encourages all efforts to increase transparency in the adoption process. There are serious problems in Ethiopian adoptions today, and we honor the Ethiopian government’s efforts to address adoption fraud and corruption before making any decision that it has no choice but to shut down its international adoption program altogether. We are hopeful that the Ethiopian government’s commitment to its most vulnerable children will mean that its focus will be on the children who will remain in transition homes and orphanages for lengthy periods of time given this significantly diminished rate of processing.
Ethica shares the concerns of the Ethiopian government regarding fraud in the adoption process. Ethica is aware of numerous reports of fraud, coercion, and irregularities that would indicate a rampant problem, not isolated instances, and it is Ethica’s position that no amount of malfeasance is acceptable when the lives of children are in the balance.
It is Ethica’s position that the best use of the energy and efforts in the collective adoption community should not be spent on bombarding the Ethiopian government with pleas to keep business running as usual. Rather, our focus should be on joining the Ethiopian government in its efforts to stop the activities of those who perpetuate fraud. In the United States, we can contribute to these efforts by:
•Demanding that action be taken against adoption service providers that knowingly and willingly retain the services of facilitators who manipulate, coerce, or defraud families in the procurement of children for international adoption, falsify paperwork to ensure that children are seen as eligible for adoption when they are not, and/or maintain abusive conditions in transition homes.
As well as advocating for changes stateside:
•Supporting USAID and non-adoption-related NGOs in their efforts to strengthen family preservation options for families in Ethiopia
•Regulating the fees prospective parents are required to pay to adopt children from Ethiopia in an environment where the country’s per capita income is a fraction of the average foreign fees payable for the adoption of a single child from Ethiopia
•Publicizing a list of United States adoption service providers licensed by the Ethiopian government and banning agencies that umbrella and/or have a history of shoddy paperwork, suspicious/fraudulent paperwork, or inadequate due diligence, and
•Demanding that the Council on Accreditation become far more stringent in their scrutiny of Hague-accredited agencies, including revoking the Hague accreditation of agencies that umbrella or fail to fully vet the backgrounds of the children they refer.
Ethica would like to call the adoption community to speak out on behalf of the children and their families who do not have a voice. In order to ensure that adoption remains an ethical, viable alternative for children in precarious situations, including in Ethiopia, we must work for transparency and clarity. Giving voice only to the success stories will do little to highlight what needs to change today for the children tomorrow.
What can you do now?
1) Speak out!
Share your stories – not only your success stories, as some groups are requesting, but more importantly, those in which you suspect fraud has occurred. You can share your experience with us here, share with the Department of State at askci@state.gov, or report your agency’s behavior to the Hague Complaint Registry here: http://adoptionusca.state.gov/HCRWeb/ComplaintForm.aspx
2) Become part of the solution!
If you have been referred a child to adopt from Ethiopia, but have not yet adopted, please consider participating in this survey to help determine collectively the number of children who are in process, as well as the rate that referrals that continue in the wake of MoWA’s announcement. This data is non-identifying, will be collected publicly, and will be used in our advocacy efforts in the U.S. and within Ethiopia.
March 9, 2011
On March 4, 2011, the Ministry of Womens Affairs in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, reported that they would be sharply reducing the number of adoption cases they would review, from 50 cases a day at present to no more than 5 per day from March 10, 2011. MoWA indicated that they were taking these steps in response to an adoption program that is riddled with fraud and coercion.
Ethica respects the Ethiopian government’s commitment to orphaned and vulnerable children and encourages all efforts to increase transparency in the adoption process. There are serious problems in Ethiopian adoptions today, and we honor the Ethiopian government’s efforts to address adoption fraud and corruption before making any decision that it has no choice but to shut down its international adoption program altogether. We are hopeful that the Ethiopian government’s commitment to its most vulnerable children will mean that its focus will be on the children who will remain in transition homes and orphanages for lengthy periods of time given this significantly diminished rate of processing.
Ethica shares the concerns of the Ethiopian government regarding fraud in the adoption process. Ethica is aware of numerous reports of fraud, coercion, and irregularities that would indicate a rampant problem, not isolated instances, and it is Ethica’s position that no amount of malfeasance is acceptable when the lives of children are in the balance.
It is Ethica’s position that the best use of the energy and efforts in the collective adoption community should not be spent on bombarding the Ethiopian government with pleas to keep business running as usual. Rather, our focus should be on joining the Ethiopian government in its efforts to stop the activities of those who perpetuate fraud. In the United States, we can contribute to these efforts by:
•Demanding that action be taken against adoption service providers that knowingly and willingly retain the services of facilitators who manipulate, coerce, or defraud families in the procurement of children for international adoption, falsify paperwork to ensure that children are seen as eligible for adoption when they are not, and/or maintain abusive conditions in transition homes.
As well as advocating for changes stateside:
•Supporting USAID and non-adoption-related NGOs in their efforts to strengthen family preservation options for families in Ethiopia
•Regulating the fees prospective parents are required to pay to adopt children from Ethiopia in an environment where the country’s per capita income is a fraction of the average foreign fees payable for the adoption of a single child from Ethiopia
•Publicizing a list of United States adoption service providers licensed by the Ethiopian government and banning agencies that umbrella and/or have a history of shoddy paperwork, suspicious/fraudulent paperwork, or inadequate due diligence, and
•Demanding that the Council on Accreditation become far more stringent in their scrutiny of Hague-accredited agencies, including revoking the Hague accreditation of agencies that umbrella or fail to fully vet the backgrounds of the children they refer.
Ethica would like to call the adoption community to speak out on behalf of the children and their families who do not have a voice. In order to ensure that adoption remains an ethical, viable alternative for children in precarious situations, including in Ethiopia, we must work for transparency and clarity. Giving voice only to the success stories will do little to highlight what needs to change today for the children tomorrow.
What can you do now?
1) Speak out!
Share your stories – not only your success stories, as some groups are requesting, but more importantly, those in which you suspect fraud has occurred. You can share your experience with us here, share with the Department of State at askci@state.gov, or report your agency’s behavior to the Hague Complaint Registry here: http://adoptionusca.state.gov/HCRWeb/ComplaintForm.aspx
2) Become part of the solution!
If you have been referred a child to adopt from Ethiopia, but have not yet adopted, please consider participating in this survey to help determine collectively the number of children who are in process, as well as the rate that referrals that continue in the wake of MoWA’s announcement. This data is non-identifying, will be collected publicly, and will be used in our advocacy efforts in the U.S. and within Ethiopia.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
He's officially a big boy
Well at least at night when he is sleeping!
Grandma and Papa were in Kansas for this year's music hall of fame induction. Papa only played this year - he decided to give other musicians a chance to be in the limelight after he dominated with multiple inductions the past few years! After the show, they drove to Kansas City, snuck in our house, and got a few hours of sleep before Steven and Lyla woke up to find them sleeping on the futon in the living room.
Later that morning, they brought in their extra mattress for Steven. Tommy and Papa drove around town looking for a box spring and I ran to Target to buy the mattress pad I forgot the day before at Target.
Steven loves his superman comforter and sheets. Tommy found them on Craigslist and bought them without me knowing. I made an offhand comment about not wanting used sheets becuase they might be thin or worn out - he almost reposted the sheets to Craigslist before I had a chance to see them and approve. They are fine and my big boy loves them!
In the six months or so that Steven has been sleeping in his toddler bed he has only fallen out once (that I can remember). We've had no falls out of this bed yet, except for pooh bear but he was okay!
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