Paper. Worked.

It's official. All of our paperwork is final and every government agency under the sun has provided their stamp of approval. The waiting has begun.

Arghh, US Government!

We got our orphan petiton approved today but it has the wrong date on it. Instead of being received April 1, 2011 it says April 1, 2012. What a cruel April Fools joke!

Now we await word from our adoption agency on whether or not we can proceed with the incorrect date (there are actually two other dates on the approval that are more important than that date) or if we have to get a corrected form. The expiration date is approaching for some of our other documents so we are hoping this does not slow us down!

Fingerprints

Update: my fingers are prettier than Tommy's, confirmed by officials at the United States Customs and Immigration Service!

We got our appointment letter from USCIS last week while we were on vacation. It stated that our appointment was not until May 11, what?!? Surely we don't have to wait that long, I thought. So I got in touch with our agency and asked if we could go early, they said it varies by office and that we could try but we might get turned away. I then decided to feed my newest obsession and post a question to the yahoo discussion boards. I asked if anyone had gone early to the office in KC and I got a reply stating that in the last three weeks another couple had gone before their appointment. They were in and out in less than 5 minutes! Whew, that was exciting to hear.

So, Tommy picked me up at lunch and we headed up north near the airport to the office to get fingerprinted. It was very cool because it is all digital. We hope to hear back in 2-8 weeks, hoping it is closer to 2 weeks! Then we will be on hyperspeed to get our Dossier completed and mailed to DC to be authenticated!

By the way, the woman who replied to my yahoo group post has a daughter named Lyla. What are the chances?!?!

Linear thinking

We have a magazine in our bathroom for Lyla to read when she is on the potty (helps her focus, I guess). The current edition is National Geographic, I don't know what month but it has a fox on the front cover. There is also a story about Kung Fu and a big photo of the Chinese flag.

Steven happened to be in the bathroom with Lyla and me tonight (yes, it is always a fun family gathering spot) and he asked what the photo was. I replied, "the Chinese flag." He immediately looked at me and said "that is where we get babies from." Whoa.

Back story ... We've been checking out books from the library about adoption to read with the kids to get them familiar with what adoption is at a level they can understand. We currently have a book checked out where the family adopts a baby girl they name May from China. At least we know he is listening!

Running around in circles

This week the US Department of State posted an Adoption Alert for Ethiopia on their website. We knew this was coming based on information our agency and the adoption lists we subscribe to have provided. The Government of Ethiopia's Ministry of Women, Children and Youth Affairs (MOWCYA) has announced they will begin reducing the amount of adoption cases they review each day. It has been reported that they are currently processing around 50 per day and that will reduce to 5 (or 20 or 30 depending on the rumor you currently subscribe to). Accordingly, this could reduce the number of adoptions in Ethiopia by 90%. MOWCYA has announced this change based on a need to focus on quality and all the children under the authority of their programs.

In a nutshell, many cases of corruption have recently surfaced in the international adoption system in Ethiopia. Many have said that whenever people and money are involved there are going to be bad seeds. I don't disagree. It also seems that the bad is reported more loudly and dramatically than the good. But that doesn't excuse anyone from trafficking a child, no matter their intentions - greed or ignorance.

When we first started our adoption process our concerns focused on our family. What would it be like to raise an adopted child? How do we explain this to Steven and Lyla? What are we going to do to bring the Ethiopian culture into our lives? How can we develop relationships so that our black child has black role models?

After we completed our Hague training and began to get more connected with the "adoption community" through blogs and listserves our thoughts turned more outward. What does adoption mean to the birth family - do they understand its permanancy? Is adoption truly one of the answers to the orphan crisis caused by famine, HIV/AIDS and government corruption?

Then we started to learn about adoption ethics and recent cases of corruption. Adoptive families were discovering that the stories they had believed about their adopted child were untrue. Many discovered that birth mothers were still alive even when they were told (in court documents) that she had died. We also read other stories of harvesting children to meet specific demands. In mid-February an agency's license was revoked by the Ethiopian government because of misuse of their license (read corrupt practices).

February was filled with turmoil for Tommy and me. We were silent about this because it was a difficult time for us. There were many nights I fell asleep crying if we were able to sleep at all. How could we be sure everything was ethical and above board? We read a lot and talked with our social worker and agency program director. We talked, and talked, and talked.

UNICEF reports that one third of the 70 million people in Ethiopia live on less than 1 USD per day. Ethiopia has the largest HIV/AIDS infected population in the world leaving children orphaned or becoming the head of the household at a very young age. One out of every 20 children born alive dies before they reach 1 month old. And it doesn't get better, one in 10 die before their first birthday.


We know that international adoption isn't the only solution to the problems faced in this developing country. That is why we made a small step by deciding to support efforts for family preservation in the northern region of Ethiopia. For $30 a month we are helping to support between 10-15 families that our agency works with to maintain their family unit by providing child care so that parents can work, supplemental food and basic housing needs. $30 a month - we spend that going out to dinner or on a pair of shoes or a haircut. I can't fathom that a mere $30 can help to support 10 families so that they can stay together as a family unit and live a full life.


In the end, we resolved that there is truly a need in Ethiopia and we will continue with our plans to adopt an orphaned child. However, since we were notified by our agency of the changes to Ethiopian policies we are now back at the same question: What does this mean for our family?


We'll be spending more time this month talking while our home study is being completed. All of the support our family and friends have given has been so wonderful since we started and we appreciate all of your words and thoughts.

Department of State Notice

Adoption Alert

U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE
Bureau of Consular Affairs
Office of Children’s Issues

Government of Ethiopia Plans Major Slow-Down in Adoption Processing

March 9, 2011

Citing the need to work on quality and focus on more important strategic issues, the Government of Ethiopia’s Ministry of Women, Children, and Youth Affairs (MOWCYA) has indicated it will reduce to a maximum of five the number of adoption cases it processes per day, effective March 10, 2011. Under Ethiopian adoption procedures, MOWCYA approves every match between prospective adoptive parents and an Ethiopian child before that case can be forwarded for a court hearing. The U.S. Embassy is working with Ethiopian government officials and adoption agencies to learn more about this change in procedures. We will continue to share information as it becomes available.

Given MOWCYA's current caseload, the U.S. Embassy anticipates that this change could result in an overall decline in case processing of some 90 percent. If this change is implemented as proposed, we expect, that parents who have begun the process of adopting from Ethiopia but have not yet been matched with a child could experience significant delays. It is not clear if this change in procedures would have any significant impact on cases in which MOWCYA has already approved matches.

Prospective adoptive parents should remain in close contact with their adoption service provider to obtain updates on individual cases.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
February 15, 2011

Revocation of License: Better Futures Adoption Services

The U.S. Embassy was informed by Better Future Adoption Services’ (BFAS) Addis Ababa office on February 4, 2011, that the Charities and Societies Agency revoked its license to operate in Ethiopia on December 9, 2010, because of alleged misuse of its license. BFAS further stated to the U.S. Embassy that it has initiated a legal appeal of the decision with the Government of Ethiopia. The Government of Ethiopia has not provided information for families in process with BFAS on how this revocation will affect their cases.

The U.S. Embassy strongly recommends that prospective adoptive parents who have entered into an agreement with Better Future Adoption Services, or who are planning to adopt through Better Future Adoption Services, seek the advice of a legal professional.

Ethica: An independent voice for ethical adoptions

Ethiopia: Become Part of the Solution
March 9, 2011

On March 4, 2011, the Ministry of Womens Affairs in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, reported that they would be sharply reducing the number of adoption cases they would review, from 50 cases a day at present to no more than 5 per day from March 10, 2011. MoWA indicated that they were taking these steps in response to an adoption program that is riddled with fraud and coercion.

Ethica respects the Ethiopian government’s commitment to orphaned and vulnerable children and encourages all efforts to increase transparency in the adoption process. There are serious problems in Ethiopian adoptions today, and we honor the Ethiopian government’s efforts to address adoption fraud and corruption before making any decision that it has no choice but to shut down its international adoption program altogether. We are hopeful that the Ethiopian government’s commitment to its most vulnerable children will mean that its focus will be on the children who will remain in transition homes and orphanages for lengthy periods of time given this significantly diminished rate of processing.

Ethica shares the concerns of the Ethiopian government regarding fraud in the adoption process. Ethica is aware of numerous reports of fraud, coercion, and irregularities that would indicate a rampant problem, not isolated instances, and it is Ethica’s position that no amount of malfeasance is acceptable when the lives of children are in the balance.

It is Ethica’s position that the best use of the energy and efforts in the collective adoption community should not be spent on bombarding the Ethiopian government with pleas to keep business running as usual. Rather, our focus should be on joining the Ethiopian government in its efforts to stop the activities of those who perpetuate fraud. In the United States, we can contribute to these efforts by:

•Demanding that action be taken against adoption service providers that knowingly and willingly retain the services of facilitators who manipulate, coerce, or defraud families in the procurement of children for international adoption, falsify paperwork to ensure that children are seen as eligible for adoption when they are not, and/or maintain abusive conditions in transition homes.
As well as advocating for changes stateside:

•Supporting USAID and non-adoption-related NGOs in their efforts to strengthen family preservation options for families in Ethiopia
•Regulating the fees prospective parents are required to pay to adopt children from Ethiopia in an environment where the country’s per capita income is a fraction of the average foreign fees payable for the adoption of a single child from Ethiopia
•Publicizing a list of United States adoption service providers licensed by the Ethiopian government and banning agencies that umbrella and/or have a history of shoddy paperwork, suspicious/fraudulent paperwork, or inadequate due diligence, and
•Demanding that the Council on Accreditation become far more stringent in their scrutiny of Hague-accredited agencies, including revoking the Hague accreditation of agencies that umbrella or fail to fully vet the backgrounds of the children they refer.

Ethica would like to call the adoption community to speak out on behalf of the children and their families who do not have a voice. In order to ensure that adoption remains an ethical, viable alternative for children in precarious situations, including in Ethiopia, we must work for transparency and clarity. Giving voice only to the success stories will do little to highlight what needs to change today for the children tomorrow.

What can you do now?

1) Speak out!

Share your stories – not only your success stories, as some groups are requesting, but more importantly, those in which you suspect fraud has occurred. You can share your experience with us here, share with the Department of State at askci@state.gov, or report your agency’s behavior to the Hague Complaint Registry here: http://adoptionusca.state.gov/HCRWeb/ComplaintForm.aspx

2) Become part of the solution!

If you have been referred a child to adopt from Ethiopia, but have not yet adopted, please consider participating in this survey to help determine collectively the number of children who are in process, as well as the rate that referrals that continue in the wake of MoWA’s announcement. This data is non-identifying, will be collected publicly, and will be used in our advocacy efforts in the U.S. and within Ethiopia.

Homestudy Visit #1

Who would have imagined that fire safety was going to be such an important element during our adoption homestudy home visit?

Originally we were worried that the size of our house would be the biggest issue. Even though it is still an issue to us (where will we put three kids?) it is probably right that a two bedroom, one bath house is very suitable for a family of five. As long as the other important characteristics like love, fun and smoke detectors are included.

I was so excited to get our phone call from Nikki (CHI social worker) last Wednesday afternoon. She happened to call while I was on the longest commute home ever.

Tangent ...
We got an awful snowstorm on Wednesday afternoon/evening – at least by Kansas City standards. It amounted to about 6-8 inches but it wreaked havoc on the drive home. It was my intention to leave at my normal time 4pm and head south to pick up the kids. By 4:20 I had only made it three blocks. By 4:45, I had only made it about four more blocks. Thank goodness Tom has a Subaru! I never would have made it to get the kids in time. Actually, my car never even made it home. Our neighborhood is full of hills and the Camry was unsuccessful at hill travel. At one point I had to lay on my horn to warn drivers behind me that I was slipping uncontrollable backwards. Thank goodness they were all able to scramble out of my way and avoid a rear-ender from the front?!?!

I ended up parking about four blocks away and walking the rest of the way home. I did bring my boots but I would have happily walked in my Franco Sarto shoes to avoid the feeling I got when I slid backwards down the hill.

Back to the story ...

She called to share that all of our initial paperwork is ready and we could start scheduling our visits. We leaped for the calendar but not until we were all safely home and not stuck in the snowstorm.

Our first visit was this afternoon. Nikki talked to us about process moving forward and things we needed to consider as adoptive parents. Things like answers to rude (intentional or not) questions by strangers, preparations for attachment difficulties, and ways to broaden our cultural activities. It was a great conversation and we get to do it three more times!

Back to Life Back to Reality

Living life as two working parents with one crazy schedule is really challenging some days. But the last few weeks have been wonderful. Tommy got three weeks off from work over the holidays. His teacher schedule really is a blessing some times during the year. However, reality was going set in at some point and this week was it, except... for snow days and work trips!


I was really not looking forward to being a single nighttime mom again. Doing dinner, playtime, snack, bath and bedtime by yourself with two little ones can be quite a challenge sometimes. But by the grace of old man winter my luck was extended a week. School was cancelled on Monday and Tuesday. On Wednesday Tommy was let out early because of other commitments later in the work week. Now tonight I am sitting in the airport at 5pm waiting to fly to Ohio. Kids are at home with the babysitter and Tommy will have to be the single parent for the next two nights.


Times like these really make me count my blessings. I love being married to Tommy. Not just because it is easier to do bath time with four adult hands rather than two but because it is better to have a partner in life. Someone to share the joy and the struggles.

...continued writing three days later...

I didn't expect this to turn into an adoption post but lately our path to our third gem has seemed to be a little more winding that I want. Nothing has changed, our hearts are still waiting but finding all our necessary papers and scheduling appointments is just daunting. We know the waiting is necessary, we know the paperwork and verification of who we are is important but like my desire to have a partner in life our child has a desire for a forever family.

But really, the thing that bothers me most is knowing that there are children in the world who don't have a mom and dad who can play at bath time or tuck them in under a homemade quilt every night. I am currently reading There is No Me Without You by Melissa Fay Greene. There is one particular story of two orphaned girls who live on there own before being brought to the orphanage. These girls were young, not even 10 years old and they lived in their home by themselves after their parents died. Their kind neighbor would leave them a plate of food each night but the girls would go to bed and wake up in the morning to walk to school all on their own. They knew the love of their parents but they had to continue life without them.

This book has been hard for me to put down but I also want to just throw it across the room sometimes. Not because it is poorly written but because it makes me frustrated at the utter chaos in which our world seems to operate. One effort to help our world population (vaccines) causes unintended consequences (infections from unsterilized needles) for those who should benefit. In Fr. Glenn's sermon this weekend (Steven actually did a good job entertaining himself so I could listen) he talked about finger pointing. When you point your finger at someone or thing, remember that three are pointing back at you. There is no target of finger pointing for the orphan crisis in Africa. There are simply too many moving parts to say how it happened or what the solution should be.

I just know that those three fingers pointing back at me represent my three gems. Making sure that the two with me now realize how important it is that we support and love one another the world over, especially our gem waiting for us in Africa.

Events for New Years 2011

We might have stayed up a little later than last year but probably not by much. We had a quiet weekend with the kids. We went to Science City at Union Station on New Years Day. We had the place to practically to ourselves. There were only two other families that I saw during the two hours we were there. Steven's favorite part of the visit was flying the helicopter. I would post a picture but the camera didn't have a memory card in it. At least I thought to pack the camera, we really did need one more thing to carry around with us during our visit!


Over the weekend we also completed our required 10 hours of adoption parent education. While Ethiopia has not signed the Hague Convention our agency is accredited with the US government and requires families to follow the convention as appropriate. That includes the training. While watching webinars over the holiday weekend might not sound preferable to a Dick Clark rock-n-roll party, it was what we wanted to accomplish to start off the new year.


Mybe next year we'll have more to celebrate!

Our journey to our Third Gem begins

When Steven was born I asked Tommy if he would find a necklace for me that I could wear to keep my babies close to me when I was away from them. He didn't find one for me, he had one made. I call it our three gems but only two with us so far.


When we got engaged we discussed how we would form our family and adoption was always our intention. After Lyla was born, I had a dream. It was the sign for me that our desire to adopt was the right thing and that we needed to seriously start considering what we were going to do. Then Tommy had a dream; he hates admitting it but he did. Call it kismet, call it coincidence, call it what you will, those dreams were the confirmation that our plans were exactly what was meant for our family.


Today we started the journey to fill the spot reserved for our third gem. We made our application for international adoption. We are excited that it is finally time for us to say "we're expecting" again but only in a different way!



So, the details ... we have applied to adopt through Children's Hope International. I learned about this agency several months ago when a staff member was interviewed on NPR. It still seems silly to me that I pushed for this agency because of a radio program but I think that there are reasons certain things stick in your head or stay with you.


We have chosen to adopt from Ethiopia. It's okay to be shocked. Ethiopia is not somewhere that most Americans think of when learning of adoption but the need is so great. We also have one of those nagging "signs" associated with Ethiopia. This was one of a handful of countries that Tommy really pushed for as our honeymoon destination. No, it is not touristy but there is such great history to the country and sites there are just as amazing as what we saw in Egypt but not as well known. I guess Tommy will get his trip to Ethiopia afterall, actually two.


The process is long and detailed. We expect to be busy with our homestudy and dossier for the next 3-4 months. We will have to assemble more paperwork about ourselves than I knew even existed! Then we will send everything to the U.S. Department of State and then on to Ethiopia for approvals. Then we wait and the time for that is unknown, anywhere from 4 months to 12 months. After we are matched with our child then we are assigned a court date and travel to meet with the Ethiopian judge. Then we come home without our child, we think this will be the hardest part. Our second trip will be about a month later where we will meet with the U.S. Embassy and receive our child's passport. The whole process is expected to take 12-18 months.


I am sure there will be lots of questions and we are happy to answer them. We are so very excited to begin this journey!